Things No One Tells You About Divorce

Things people would benefit from knowing prior to divorce:


You’re braver than you know: People may tell you that you’re taking the “easy way out” by divorcing, but it takes an incredible amount of courage to go through the divorce process and try to make a better life for yourself, your kids and your spouse. There’s a good chance it’s the best thing for everyone involved, so be proud of the bravery in your decision.

Telling your children: It will be even harder than you expect and you’ll have to explain it more than once, especially if they’re younger. Try to share the news with your spouse and don’t blame each other or your children. Consider getting advice from a therapist prior to telling the kids, and be prepared for a range of emotions from your children.

People will tell you they’ve had a bad feeling about your spouse: You’ll ask them why they didn’t say anything, only to get a response about it not being “their place.” This information isn’t helpful or supportive—feel free to tell your close friends that.

Friends will take sides: The hardest part is seeing friends that you genuinely shared take sides. Be prepared to lose a few friends you thought would keep, because your ex will probably lose a few friends as well. Surround yourself with people that remain your good friend, regardless of your divorce.

Find ways to be kind to yourself: Divorce brings guilt and you may try to blame yourself. It’s not all your fault, if at all. Take care of yourself through this stressful time: go for walks, spend time with friends, get a message, or see a therapist. Do what works for you.

Seeing your kids on a schedule will feel wrong: But then you’ll all get used to it. You will miss them and the house will feel empty, but you’ll get used to the schedule and it will get easier.

You’ll want to date again: It will be insanely weird at first, but it may be a lot of fun. Let it happen in the right timing. Be responsible and safe, but have fun dating! It’s healthy.

Divorce is a thousand little goodbyes: You’ll get through all the “big goodbyes” and think it’s over, but then you’ll miss the first family event with your former in-laws or your child’s first Christmas Eve without you and it will start all over again. Give yourself some space to take it then and then let it go. You’ll get used to it and you’ll keep making memories with your new and old family.

It will be hard not to bad-mouth your ex to your kids: But don’t do it. Your kids will still love your ex and it won’t help either relationship to be the parent trying to pull them away from your ex. Present a united front with your ex and commit to not tearing him/her down in front of your children.

You’ll wonder why you stayed so long: You’ll wonder why you put up with so much and accepted things as “just being part of marriage.” But remember this: marriages fall apart slowly. You accept one thing and then another, and you keep hoping things will get better. You made a change once you knew you had to, and that’s what counts.

It gets better: Healing takes time. Probably sooner than you imagine, you’ll realize this is the life you’ve been waiting for; and it will feel right. Make the most of your new life. You deserve it.

About The Author

Contributed By & Dishon & Block Divorce Attorneys

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  1. After you get divorced, you may find that people who are just like your ex are drawn to you like heat-seeking missiles, says Nance. Whether they re attracted to you or you subconsciously seek them out, you need to make a conscious effort to correct the pattern or the same story will repeat itself. I have patients write down exactly what criteria they want in their next partner and what they

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