Shannabana

So, I’m new to the message boards. I post confessions all the time, and thank goodness they are anonymous! My dilemma is that my husband and I have been married for 6 years, been together about 10. I have stuck by him through so much, the losing a good job because of his drinking, the getting arrested for assaulting a stripper, the many many nights of not coming home because he was too drunk. I’ll be the first to admit that I am not perfect, not even close…I suck at saving money and my house gets messy and I sometimes yell at my kids, and he hates the fact that I smoke and said that he drinks because I smoke.
Anyways, right after my son was born we moved to this house that I hate, and was on maternity leave waiting to get my disability so we didn’t have a lot of money, his whole paycheck ended up being garnished for back child support, so when he told me, I took out a 401K loan to cover our bills and first months rent, no questions asked. Then when I need help and couldn’t cover all of my end of the bills, he tell me “I’ll pay it but you need to pay me back” and makes a schedule of how much I need to give him each payday and each time I get paid I can’t even have a cup of coffee without him nagging me for how much money I am sending to him. Really? Because the last time I checked, we are supposed to be a couple and help each other when we need it, not this “you owe me” crap. Now he hangs it over my head all the time, and makes it out like I am the bad guy, along with everything else. I told him that’s why I can’t tell him anything anymore, because he makes me feel terrible, and its gotten to the point where I am so disapointed with myself, for all of the decisions I make and for letting myself get to this point. I laid it all out there for him and that was over a week ago, and he has barely said 5 words to me since then. Nice, glad to know you care.
I finally today started to call family members about my kids and I staying with them for a while until I can save up for my own place, I just can’t do this anymore. I don’t even care if my marriage can be saved at this point, all the times he has promised to change and be there for us, it will only last a month or so then go back to the same old thing that I’ve become so emotionally drained and I never thought I would become a cold hearted bitch. I can’t keep being the bad guy for everything and standing by while he talks crap about me to everyone and not do anything, my kids deserve better and need to know that they can respect me, at least a little without him telling them some crap about me that isn’t true. What kind of a man does that??

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