Infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage

 Saving Your Marriage After An Affair

SAving your marriage

Some marriages are rock solid from the start and experience few problems. However, not all marriages are that strong. People often make mistakes, including those who are married to each other. Infidelity is one of those mistakes. Just because someone cheats, though, doesn’t necessarily mean they love their partner any less. Instead, if both people are willing to work toward a stronger marriage, the marriage can be saved. A therapist may be needed.

Deciding whether you want to work on your marriage after infidelity is a very personal decision. If it was a one-night stand, it may be easier to get over than a long-term affair. For others, one time is a deal breaker. It all boils down to what each individual is willing to put up with and whether either person feels the trust can be regained. The key is both parties must be willing to work at it. If either party is unwilling to work on the marriage, it will fail.

When you first discover an affair, either through evidence or a confession, emotions run high. This is not the time to make a decision. If you can, wait a day or two to soak up the news and then approach your spouse to talk about it. Try not to accuse, but instead, let him or her know how you feel and give him or her a chance to weigh in. Talk about the why’s and avoid the who’s and what’s. Getting to the bottom of the reason for the infidelity is the most important part to working toward reconciliation.

If you decide together to work to save the marriage, keep in mind that it will take time and effort. Seek out a marriage therapist to help you work through your emotions and trust issues. Always be honest. Keep your life completely transparent. It is normal for the person who was cheated on to want to look at phone records, emails and other correspondence for a while. When the trust is broken, there is no privacy. However, as you build that trust, you must forgive as well. Your marriage won’t recover if you constantly bring up the past.

Whether you decide to work on your marriage after infidelity or move on, there is no right or wrong answer. It is an individual decision. Some people attempt to work things out first and then find they just can’t get past it. That’s okay. If you decide not to even try, that’s okay too. The most important thing for you to remember is that you didn’t do anything wrong. In most cases, if someone cheats on you, it is their issue, not yours. This can help you move on, no matter what your decision is.

About The Author,

Kimberly Turtenwald has been through the divorce process and is familiar with many of the aspects of divorce, especially with children involved. She also moderates an online community for divorce and custody issues and helps members find information and get support from others in similar situations.

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