Getting On With It After Divorce


Moving on from your ex after a divorce is never easy. Even though you may still be angry with him or her, you will have moments when you might question your decision. And if you have children, you’ll probably question it even more. At the end of all the “what ifs,” you must admit that you aren’t meant to be together. Although you may be alone now, you’re definitely not solo on this journey. There are a lot of other people who’ve gone through the same experience and came out the other side. You must look forward and not back.

Head onward and upward by forgetting the past and removing any negative thoughts of it. The same way you ex-foliate your skin, you need to “EX-foliate” the reminders of your ex-spouse from your world. At this point, you probably feel that your ex is about as useful as a bunch of dead skin cells any way. This may change down the line, but for now you must focus on the present. Here are some simple ways to EX-foliate your former spouse from your life and make this transition less painful.

Remove Old Photos: Make sure there are no photos of you and your ex lying around the house. You could be having a great day and then all of a sudden go into a drawer and find a photo of the two of you hugging in a pool in Cancun. While you may not have gotten sunburned on the trip, you might have gotten burned by your ex and you don’t need to be reminded of it. Pack up all of the photos and put them in a box far away from any place you could stumble upon it.

Go New Places: Going to the same restaurants, cafés and coffee shops that you went to with your ex should be off your radar. It’s best to find new places with new faces. You’re single, so don’t go into places where they know you as Mrs. when you want the world to now know you as Ms.

Remove Cell Phone Reminders: Delete any old voicemail messages or texts from your ex. That birthday text message your former spouse sent you last year might have been cute then, but if you stumble upon it now it loses its luster. Clear out your inbox and make room for all the new messages and possibilities.

Select New Music: Don’t listen to songs that remind you of your ex. There’s nothing like making an effort to put your ex-spouse out of your mind and then the song that played when you got married starts up on your iPod. Clear the decks and make a new playlist.

Login to Your New Life: The Internet probably contains many reminders of your ex. Your Facebook may need the biggest clean-up. Head in there and delete any photos with both of you together. Also, the friends that went over to your ex’s side of the fence once the divorce happened should be unfriended immediately.

Think Positive Thoughts: It’s not just physical things that can remind you of your ex. Thoughts that we have can change our outlook on life, so think positively. Don’t remind yourself of all of the things your ex did that you couldn’t stand. Instead, be positive and focus on all of the things you’re going to achieve in your new life.

Make Notes of Your Progress: Write down the progress that you’re making as a new divorcee. Get a journal and put down your thoughts as they come to you. List where you’ve been and where you’re headed. This will keep your eye on the prize — happiness.

About The Author

Lois Tarter

Lois Tarter is a divorce party planner and divorce blogger. She believes that a divorce is a rebirth and is just as important to celebrate, if not more so, than a marriage. This sparked the idea for her first book, The Divorce Ritual: Get Up, Get Out and Get On With Your Life. Follow Lois on Twitter: @LoisTarter
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