The Anxiety Associated With Your eX Having Your Children
As a single parent, you are used to a hectic schedule, juggling between work, school and the kid’s activities. Life can be exhausting and there are never enough hours in the day to complete your ever growing to do list.
It was an adjustment when your kids went with your ex for their first weekend visitation and every other weekend thereafter, but you’ve gown to like the down time. For two days, you catch up on all your errands and chores. You may have even begun to socialize. By the end of the weekend, you really start to miss the craziness of the active household and can’t wait for the return of the chaos.
What do you do, however when faced with the reality that your kids will be away for their first week or two without you on vacation with your ex? An array of worries and fears start to emerge until your body is filled with anxiety of how are the kids going to manage without you – their primary caretaker. Who is going to remember that your youngest child shouldn’t watch scary movies because she will have nightmares? Who will remember to buy the personal feminine products for your oldest daughter? The truth is, you can find an endless amount of worries, so the best you can do is to prepare yourself and to a lesser extent, your children for the inevitable – they will manage fine without you.
Your children will grow stronger and become a tad more resilient and independent during the time away. They will be loved and cared for by your former spouse who is also their parent. Your ex may do things differently than you do, but rest assured, their needs will be met for the most part. By having the time away from their primary caregiver, your children will grow a strong bond with the secondary parent also. In time, you will see how your ex has stepped up to be a better parent when you are not around and just how special and important that relationship is for your children.
Will there be times when something was overlooked by the ex during visitation times? Yes! If it is something small, don’t worry about it as your children will learn to be more assertive and verbalize their needs. If it is something big, keep the communications lines open so you can talk about important issues with your former spouse. Don’t yell about something that went wrong, remember just to talk. You are no longer married so there is no reason for either parent to yell or point the finger. For the sake of the children, it is essential that both parents learn how to communicate effectively with one another. While you may have divorced your former spouse, your children have not. Your children still need both parents whenever possible.
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