6 Tips To Revive A Struggling Relationship

DivorceCounselingYou are devastated that your relationship appears to be headed for a divorce and neither of you really wants that. How do you rekindle the flame that you both hoped would last forever?

Whether a relationship is called a partnership or a
marriage, research has shown that most adults regard their
relationship as the most important part of their lives.
But, there are no instruction manuals on how to nurture
and maintain a relationship.

Most people rely on trial-and-error to find the
formula that works for them. If the errors are too big,
the relationship fails. Nearly half of all relationships
fail for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is
all that trial-and-error learning period.

Relationships that do survive and flourish can teach us
how to better manage the struggle on our own. What is
going on in that half of the marriages and partnerships
that succeed? What can we learn from these successful
couples?

Social science calls it the “socioemotional selectivity
theory.” What this means in layman’s terms is that people
prefer to spend time with people with whom they have the
strongest bond.

The theory evolved by observing couples in their
twilight years, but it was found that it also applied
couples of all ages.

#1.Examine why you and your partner bonded in the first
place. You came together for a reason. Together you should
recall your beginnings and attempt to recapture what it is
that attracted you both then.

#2 Try to maximize your positive feelings about each
other. Push any negative feelings to the side and focus on
those things you like most about each other.

#3. Deal with the negatives in a positive manner. Think of
ways you can minimize the importance of the negative side
of each of you (and you both do have negative sides).
Commit to changes or modifications of behavior or habits,
starting with the easy ones.

Older adults seem to have the best handle on dealing
with relationships. As they near the end of their allotted
time, they cherish more their relationship and are able to
put aside any negatives and live only in the positive side
of their togetherness.

#4.Intimacy is important. People who actively strive to
maintain the intimacy in their marriage or partnership
have more gratifying interactions with their mate or
partner. This encourages the feeling of value in each
other.

#5.Spend enough time together. You bond grows stronger
from shared interests. Schedule time to do all of the
things you enjoy together; movies, dining out, camping,
hiking, working out, attending parties, entertaining and
particularly things you do, just the two of you.

Develop new mutual interests. Plan and engage in new
activities that you both will enjoy. Travel to new places,
join a new social or service organization, take up
line-dancing, buy season’s tickets to the symphony, go to
a music concert, and take up a new hobby or craft.

#6. Surprise them with a mystery gift or date. This works
particularly well for a man who is trying to rekindle the
relationship with his wife/girlfriend. Completely surprise
them with a date or gift.

The mystery date is probably the best surprise a man
could conceive; hire a limousine and whisk them away to a
really great restaurant for a wonderful meal. Cap it off
with a night of dancing and then off to a luxury hotel
suite.

A champagne breakfast would really show that you are a
romantic fool about them. They should feel like a princess
after this event.

It’s really all about connecting and reconnecting those
synapses that brought you together in the first place.
Sure, it may have begun with a physical attraction, as
most relationships do, but it grew beyond that. Recover
and relive the bonding process, once again.

The practice of bonding anew will be something that you
may perform a number of times over the years. Each time it
will make your relationship stronger and stronger and more
enjoyable for both of you.

A wise man once wrote, “The quality of a relationship
is measured by how well it meets the needs of all those
involved.”

About The Author

Paula Michaels

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